Mar 27, 2011

"Dad, when you want to do something, you need to stop and look ahead!"

The title for this post came from Logan this morning. What he doesn't understand is how true that is! A year ago I would never dream that he would say that phrase! My name is Bill and I am Logan's Dad. I wanted to share some thoughts on the past year and half since we had found out Logan had Autism, looked for options and then started his therapy. Initially when Glenda first started talking about something being wrong with Logan and that he might have have Autism, I brushed it off and was adamant that he would grow out of it. He was just behind a bit on some things and it would sort itself out as he got older. I also thought that there was no way Logan had Autism as he wasn't sitting in the corner banging his head against the wall like you see in the movies. Glenda didn't buy it and thank God for that! Mother's intuition, it's a very real and powerful force! The weeks passed and he didn't change and I came to the realization that something for sure wasn't right. Glenda had done a ton of research by this point and through various processes we received funding, Logan started therapy and we are where we are today. Sounds easy right? Well, what you don't see is the time spent angry that this happened to your little man, the time spent crying because you didn't think there was anything that you could do for your boy, the time spent thinking about what kind of life would Logan lead and feeling so helpless that I had no control. It's a roller coaster of feelings, but you are in the dark on this roller coaster as you don't really know what your are dealing with each day! I wish I could say it passes, but there are still days where these thoughts run through my head and I still feel angry, sad, helpless. What I do know is there isn't anything that we as parents wouldn't do for him.
It's funny because one of the first things I thought of was that Logan wouldn't want to go to hockey games because it was too loud and that he would stop liking hockey and probably never play hockey either! Selfish right? Well Logan does like to go to the Hitmen games and likes to watch hockey with me just before he goes to bed and plays hockey taking turns being from the Hitmen, Canucks, Coyotes, Capitals, etc. on the living room or playroom floors. Hockey, amidst all the therapy, clinics, emotions, feelings, etc. has become the one thing that seems "normal"! Logan loves to read this new comic book "The Guardian Project" which has superheroes for all 30 NHL teams in it. Well I am here to tell you that Logan is one of my superheroes! Not surprising as he was named afer one.(No there was no Logan in our family tree but his name comes from his Dad's favourite superhero, Wolverine.) This past year I watched as my son initially had no control over a great many things and now today has mastered many of them! He works so hard! When he gets really excited and he starts to stim and you can see him work so hard to stop doing it. He corrects himself when he says the wrong things, such as he/she, her/him "what did/do you", and during therapy, school and clinics he tries so hard and does so well! He has come so far this past year and as far as I am concerned he is the real Wolverine! Well I'll leave it there for my first post, but there is lots more I want to say, so until next time...